Back .

I'm home. not happy, just OKAY. yes, been busy with f1 stuffs but FINALLY, its OVER. and and GUESS WHAAAAAT? Out of 62 schools, our car won the fastest car. IMAGINE THAT. Unfortunately, we've been disqualified because of a TINY mistake with the specs of our car. but we still get full marks, just not eligible to win the fastest car award. hmmph. frust frust frust, but determine to get over it. Afterall, we might be eligible for the next round. but if we do qualify to the next round, im not sure wether I will be happy with it or not, 'cause seriously, it was stressful and I don't think it will be any better for the next round. So yea, WHITE FLAG. lol. but i just want to make Pn Sakina proud. She did sacrificed A LOT for the team. :/

CHANGE OF TOPIC. Life before I went to this F1 thingy was WORST, but it did show some signs of getting better. Well, I wont want to expect anything I'm afraid I might get dissapointed again if life tends to get harder after this.

I hate it at Kuala Selangor. Sure, spending 4 whole days with Alfian, Faeq, Farhan and Atiyah was fun, but it was freagin stressful. I kept having this terrible TERRIBLE mood swings. baaah! One thing I love the most, that evening when Atiyah, Faeq and Cikgu went out to do some printings, Alfian, Farhan and I spent our whole evening playing kejar-kejar. WITHOUT slippers on. Farhan was running while holding a camera and it looked so, SO FUNNY. hahahaha. Our neighbours were like "What the hell is this kids doing?". ahha! We stayed at Kuala Selangor Chalet. but it looked and felt more like a homestay. And it was surrounded by villages. So the environment was so kampung like, and thats why we felt like being kids once again. Truthfully, I miss my hometown at Kedah, so that evening, I feel quite, home :) Of course it eventually end with tears and heartbreaks, but whatever, it is still a memory to remember .

We went to the kelip-kelip village. One of the ONLY two places in this whole world that still have this magnificent insects. And it was SOOO BEAUTIFUL. Indescribable. I felt like staying there, on the boat, FOREVER. Like that man in "The Lotus Eater". ahah. My problems and worries went away for that time being. oh and how happy I was :) Then we went to the CLASSIC funfair. It was BORING except for this one ride. Overall, it was quite and interesting night but well, nothing last forever. Time moves faster than we want it to be, so the next thing I know, it was already the next morning. And this whole experience makes me understand more about life that ANYTHING fun and makes u happy, wont last, and that it will end soon.

But somehow I dont feel like I belong anywhere. Its like everything I do seems soo wrong. I hate being home. but when I'm away from home, I want to be home. Well maybe its just simply the symthom of dont-know-how-to-be-thankful but seriously, thats how I feel. I still can't be ME no matter where I go. And yes, I really do feel isolated. I want to move, but when I try to tell that to my parents, they went like "it will still be the same. You can not run away from your problems". I do think they're right. If I run now, I'll forever run from my problems. I have to face it. but now I feel like running away is the BEST OPTION. 'Cause facing all these don't make me any stronger like what people say. Of couse I learnt to handle my feelings better rather than crying out loud in front of people, blablabla, but even so, I don't feel stronger. Its just... facing all these made me feel like, I KNOW HOW TO FAKE MY EMOTIONS BETTER. yeap. thats exactly how I feel. I don't feel stronger. but I know I can pretend that I'm happy infront of people better. Seriously, I'm getting expert at this. but yes, now and then, I broke down when it gets too hard to handle. Its an inevitable. Well, one word explains it all, LIFE, right?. And like itia said to me, "kalau hidup selalu happy je, gle bosaaaaan". :/ I do hope he's true.